So, last week Adriene got a speeding ticket. When she told me, I shrugged my shoulders and said, “well, you have a shopping budget… the money for the ticket can come out of your shopping budget.”

Now, that may not seem like a big deal (and you may think I’m a mean person for making Adriene pay for her own speeding ticket gasp!) but you have to understand how different my response was from what I would’ve done a couple years ago. I would’ve lectured Adriene, maybe raised my voice, maybe even dropped a couple “I told you sos.” She probably wouldn’t have taken being lectured very well and tears and such would have ensued and there probably would have been some unhappy days in the Holland household.

Then I realized, it’s not my job to raise my wife. It’s my job to care for, protect, love, and cherish her. Sometimes I worry that in many marriages, one spouse feels it’s his/her responsibility to raise the other like he/she is the oldest child in the house. That’s not what we’re here for. It’s not our job to “punish” and “reward” the other for their behavior. That’s what we do to teach children. Our job is to give ourselves to each other as Christ gave to the church and as the church gives to Christ.

That’s when marriage feels less like a job and more like an adventure.