Walking out of the wedding rehearsal, I got a call that my father was in the emergency room. He was having complications from a relatively simple outpatient surgery. I spent the weekend driving back and forth from the hospital to the wedding. It’s a terrifying thing to see your father in a weakened state the first time, but gradually, gradually his strength returned and he went home a couple days after the weekend. I was very conflicted during the weekend. I felt guilty having a good time at the reception, but there wasn’t much I could do and the doctors were doing their job.

One thing I’ve learned this past year is how many guys don’t have good relationships with their fathers. I guess I’ve always taken our easy-going interactions for granted. Dad and I have totally different likes. He’s a master of wood-working and I couldn’t carve something to save my life. I’m a big sports fan and he cares a little bit about Georgia Tech (also his Alma Mater) but is generally indifferent to sports. Nonetheless, I’m fascinated when he shows me around the garage displaying every amazing figurine, plaque, and other carvings and he humors me by sometimes going to games with me and listening to me carry on about players and strategies. When I visited him in the hospital he was pretty lucid each time, but we didn’t talk about anything too deep. On Friday night he told me to make sure my father-in-law ate plenty of cake and drank plenty of beer at the wedding (done and done.) On Sunday, when he starting to feel more himself, we talked a lot about the girls. He told me he thought I was doing a great job of raising the girls and that meant the world to me. Guys never stop seeking affirmation from their fathers.

During the past year, my father, sister, and wife have all spent time in the emergency room. Thankfully none of the visits have been serious and I’m very thankful for medical staff who work so hard in a difficult job, but I’d be just fine with not seeing the inside of a hospital for a while. This weekend was been pretty representative of life lately, high highs and low lows.

The Choir is a band that I wish I had been more into when I was in high school and college. I was definitely aware of the band, I had the At The Foot of The Cross cassette and I can remember hearing “About Love” on the radio, but for whatever reason I never paid much attention to them. I even remember being invited to see them in concert on the “farewell” tour in 1996 and I passed because of some lame reason (almost certainly, “to study”.) So I’m a little thankful that since they have “stopped touring” I’ve seen the band five times in concert and bought three new CD’s from the band. At Cornerstone Festival in 2001 they released a boxed set with all of their albums up to that point and I snapped it up. Boom. I had caught up just like that and voraciously listened to them in the months afterwards. Indeed, their latest release at the time, Flap Your Wings was a comfort in the post-September 11 days with songs like “Sunny” and “Flowing Over Me”

One of the things I love most about The Choir is the delightfully odd combination of band members. There’s Steve Hindalong, the quirkly lyricist who slips in mouthfuls like “Saskatoon Lnyx” and “Chase The Kangaroo” into songs while he alternates between metronome-like precision and off-kilter swing on the drums. There’s Derri Daughtery, the demurring front-man who sings effortlessly all of Hindalong’s complex words. There’s Tim Chandler, the massive man that was so in-demand as a bass guitar player in the 80′s and 90′s that he often was in two or three bands. There’s Dan Micheals, a combination of an anachronism from the 80′s on saxophone and also part of the source of the band’s signature sound with eerie electronic woodwind sounds from the lyricon.

Touring for the first time since 2005 (long after they said they were finished touring back in 1996.), the band came to the small venue in Dallas, Georgia where I saw the 77′s just a couple weeks ago. The band is celebrating the 25th anniversary of their album Chase The Kangaroo, an album that in my opinion was where the found their signature sound. The concert was billed as an “acoustic show” reinterpreting the album, but it turned out it was not that all. With Tim Chandler and Dan Michaels as suprise additions, they played the album straight through with only small variations from the album. Some of the songs like “Consider”, “Sad Face”, and “Chase The Kangaroo” have long been concert staples and they ripped through those songs with ease. The deeper cuts hadn’t been played in decades, or at all (Daugherty quipped that he couldn’t wait to read someone on Facebook post “and it shows”) but I really liked hearing “The Rifleman” in particular. After running through the album, they played a cut from their new album The Loudest Sound Ever Heard which is about to release. I was hoping they would play more from the new album, but that was the only song for the night. That was my only disappointment for the show, but they played it a little safe by sticking to some of their classics to wrap up the show. The upside though, was that the band sounded really tight and rehearsed and I really enjoyed seeing the band play with such confidence. For a band that everyone assumed ended almost 15 years ago, the band is enjoying a nice little revival with three albums now in the last two years and an actual tour.

More photos of the show on Flickr

77′s frontman Michael Roe teamed up with former bandmate David Leonhardt for a little tour on the road that reminded me a little bit of the “It’s For You” tour they did 15 years ago. Whereas that tour was mostly unscripted, taking requests from the audience for most of the show, this tour had a much more fixed agenda. Supporting a double-album (or triple-album, depending on how much you wanted to pay) re-release of the 77′s classic album Sticks and Stones, Roe stuck mostly to reinterpreting this album that had been out-of-print for many years.

Billed as an “unplugged concert”, Roe ended up playing mostly electric guitar for the songs. Many of the songs had not been played in years, decades even, leaving some room for reinterpretation. The show was the first of the tour and it was clear that Roe and Leonhardt were still learning the songs as they tentatively played out some unfamiliar work. Playing without a drummer they supplied all of the drum tracks via an iPod that Roe jokingly named “Britney.” The drum tracks provided a necessary backbeat to the electric guitar, but were a pale substitution for a live drummer. The material from Sticks and Stones is some of the strongest of the 77′s library and that came through a little bit in the show, even if the show felt a little like a live rehearsal. To their credit, Mike and David handled the show with humor and kept the crowd involved so that it felt like a very intimate, personal affair. Roe told many personal stories from the era of the album. The era was a trying time in his life where he had lost his job, saw his band disintegrate, and go through a divorce. His candor shed some light on some of the songs and added to the personal nature of the show. It would interesting to hear this show again after they have played a couple nights on the road and gotten comfortable with the songs.

The show was hosted by the Area 251/Reallife church in Dallas, Georgia in an old furniture store in the middle of town. I thought I recognized the MC who introduced Roe and Leonhardt, and indeed later discover that it was Mark Blackburn, one of the creative minds behind the 90′s band Jacob’s Trouble. Now I understood the connections as Jacob’s Trouble toured with the 77′s. I really liked the coffee shop venue and it was nice to drive only 20 minutes to nearby Dallas instead of across Atlanta to go to a concert. They have The Choir on their schedule for April and I hope they host some more shows in the future. The show was very well attended for an obscure band (my friend David and I estimated somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 people.) that I’m sure was encouraging to the venue and the artists.

I came away with some thoughts from the concert. The first was that it took a lot of healing and acceptance for Roe to spend such time unpacking a very creative, but also very painful part of his life. 20 years helps put a lot of perspective on sad events and helps a person look at struggle with a little more objective view that allows a person to see the good things that came out of that era. I’ve thought about that a lot with past events in my life and even in struggles that I’m going through now. How will I view things 20 years from now? I’m glad these wandering musicians came through our little backwoods suburb to share a little bit of their lives with us on a Saturday night.

I am thankful for Lent because it forces me to do some more self-examination when I try to decide what I want to give up for the term. Coming from the Presbyterian church, we didn’t really put much of an emphasis on Lent. I didn’t ever really give up anything until I started dating Adriene, from the Methodist church. I don’t even know if there is anything “sacred” about Lent like there is for Easter. I’m sure there are strong opinions on both sides of the argument. However, I do think it’s a good thing to figure out why we do some things and give them up for a while, if nothing else to prove they don’t hold power over us.

I don’t usually like to talk about what I give up for Lent. It’s a personal matter for me and I don’t like to parade my self-control (which is actually really poor) and self-righteousness. What I give up may be perfectly fine for someone else and it may not even be sinful at all. I do usually find out quickly just how much I miss it when it give it up for a while and that tells me a lot about myself, good and bad.

So, as I’m pondering my vices and bad habits, I’m making conscious choices to let go of some parts of my life in search of both growing deeper as a disciple and improving myself as a husband, father, and person. This year is still young yet and there is still time to achieve my goals. More than just forty days, I want to go further up and further in and throw aside the things that will slow me down.

• Eat better and exercise more. Of course. Like everyone. But I don’t want to start some crash diet in January and give up in a couple of weeks or kill myself in some grueling workout only to give up by the end of the month. I want to plan to run in events like Pi Mile at Georgia Tech and The Peachtree Road Race and train for them. I want to cut out bad eating habits and while I don’t need to lose a ton of weight, I wouldn’t mind shedding some pounds so I’ve got some milestones in place for the year.
• Spend less time trying to prevent negative events and enjoy positive events more often. Part of my job is trying to prevent disasters and planning contingency plans in the event of a disaster with applications. While that’s fine for work, it doesn’t translate as well at home. When I spend all my time trying to figure out how to prevent a tantrum, I don’t enjoy the time that my children are actually happy. When things go wrong, I want to see that as an opportunity to step up and achieve something unexpected instead of being disappointed that my plans didn’t go like I wanted.
• Compliment people more. Especially parents. I know how much it means to me when I’m struggling with the girls when someone says, “you are doing a great job. They are good girls.” We spend so much time comparing our children with others and touting our parenting techniques or whining about how hard it is to be a parent that we forget to tell each other, “you are working really hard and you should be proud of your children.”
• Spend more time outside. Take the girls to the playground. Go for walks alone in the woods. Run. Don’t let summer heat be an excuse to not sweat a little bit.

Some of these goals have tangible results and others are a little less concrete. At the end of the year, I’ll look back and see how I did.

One glaring omission from the list Adele’s 21 which is probably on everyone’s list. I do like what I’ve heard from the album. Adriene has it but I keep forgetting to borrow it from her. With that said, on to my picks with the average stages included:

The Top 5
The Violet Burning – The Story Of Our Lives (Avg Rating 3.74)
This collection is massive, stunning, raw, and powerful. Sometimes the songs blend together and it really requires a lot of attention span to make it through all three albums but there really are very few weak links and that’s something to be said about a collection of 34 songs. Michael Pritzl teased us with saying there would “not be one more Violet Burning album” when in reality there were three, telling a complete story arc. Favorite tracks: “Imminent Collapse”, “Breakdown”, “Finest Hour”

Quiet Science – Dark Words on Dark Wings – (Avg rating 3.7)
This one was a surprise but it’s well deserved. I didn’t have big expectations for this sophomore effort from the space rock group from central Florida, their first album was good but I felt they still were untapped potential. Potential tapped. Nice hooks and insightful lyrics. Favorite tracks: “The Dust Storm”, “Speak To The Dark”

Over the Rhine – The Long Surrender – (Avg rating 3.53)
I got the pre-release in 2010 and said I’d save this for the 2011 list, so here it is. This is a smoldering slow burn of an album pondering deep topics like aging, marital fidelity, and learning to let go. Joe Henry’s production really adds to the songs. Many of the songs didn’t impress me when I heard them as demos, but the finished products sound great. Favorite tracks: “Rave On”, “The King Knows How”, “Days Like This”, “All My Favorite People”

Gungor – Beautiful Things – (Avg Rating: 3.46)
I’ve almost given up on “Christian music” as a genre, but artists like Michael and Lisa Gungor give me hope that there is still creative talent writing corporate worship music. Alternatively calming and stirring, their show at Cornerstone Festival this year was one of my favorites. Favorite Tracks: “Beautiful Things”, “The Earth Is Yours”

Deas Vail – self-titled – (Avg rating: 3.416)
A slight downturn from their previous album, but only a slight one. That’s more a testament of just how good Birds and Cages was, not neccessarilly an indictment on this album. It doesn’t deviate too much from their previous album so there’s not much new ground broken here, but there’s nothing wrong with continuing a good sound. There’s good stuff here and I suspect the more I listen to it the more I will like it. Favorite Tracks: “Pulling Down the Sun” “Bad Dreams”, “Meeting In Doorways”

The Next 5
Josh Garrels – Love and War and The Sea In Between – (Avg rating: 3.4)
Best effort yet by this young unconventional artist. Meandering and ponderous and intelligent. It’s a little long with some tracks that don’t hook me, but when it’s good it’s really good. Favorite tracks: “Ulysses”, “A Far Off Hope”, “Bread & Wine”

Arcade Fire – The Suburbs – (Avg rating: 3.375)
I’m late to the Arcade Fire bandwagon, but here I am. Adriene and I listened to Suburbs a couple times during her business trip to St Simon’s earlier this year, so I’ll always think about that when listening to the album. I’m glad I borrowed the CD from her. Favorite tracks: “Ready To Start”, “Modern Man”, “City With No Children”, “Sprawl II”

Coldplay – Mylo Xyloto – (Avg rating: 3.28)
I love how everyone has such strong feelings about this album and band…except for me apparently. I … like it? I don’t hate it? I don’t love it? I’m kinda ashamed that I love the Rihanna collaboration? Favorite tracks: “Paradise”, “Major Minus”, “Princess of China”

Eisley – The Valley – (Avg rating: 3.25)
I didn’t love this album as much as their first two releases, but it’s still pretty good. It’s not quite as creepy and gothic as their previous stuff and a little less precocious, but that happens with growing up I guess. Favorite tracks: “Smarter”, “Please”,”Ambulance”

The Civil Wars – Barton Hollow – (Avg rating: 3.07)
I wanted to love this album, really I did. It had all the hype and everyone gushed over it when it came out and it’s just ok for me. It feels a little too forced, a little too overdramatic, like they are trying too hard. Favorite tracks: “20 Years”, “I’ve Got This Friend”, “Poison and Wine”

Just missed the cut:
Andrew Peterson – Counting Stars, The Choir – deplumed, House of Heroes – Suburba, Wilco – The Whole Love

Halfway through this year, I was pretty sure it was going to be a bad year. Things were not going well in multiple aspects of my life. Thankfully, autumn arrived and with some changes my outlook on life improved. During the first half of the year, I didn’t do very much socializing and I started to let my job and caring for children start to smother me. I’m such a paradox, I don’t really like doing stuff with people every night, but it’s also emotionally damaging to spend too much time alone. I’ve tried to balance things out a little better in the second half of the year and it has been beneficial.

Raising two three-year olds was not easy this year, but it was a whole lot easier than raising two two-year olds last year and in September they turned four. So far, four has been even better. I hear we are entering the “golden years” for little girls where daddy is their hero and they haven’t become teenagers yet and boys and phones and makeup all become bigger priorities. I hope so. I’m not going to lie, the last years have been hard. Maybe one child would have been easier, but twins have felt like riding out a hurricane. It has gotten steadily easier year after year and I like the trend, but make no mistake, I still haven’t fully recovered from the first couple years. I am still very tired most of the time. We’ve had some fun but I’m hoping for even more fun in the next few years.

I miss some of my big Christmas traditions. I used to go see Over the Rhine or Andrew Peterson in concert, but neither came near Atlanta during Christmas and travelling is not as practical as it used to be. We tried to drive around and look at Christmas lights, but the girls were over it within ten minutes. What they really love most is to put Christmas music on the stereo and dance around the room. Each Christmas has been one of firsts and this is the first year that the girls have started to get a grasp on Advent. The Incarnation is still a little above their minds. They know that Christmas is birthday of Jesus but right now God is somewhere on the same plane at Santa Claus. I don’t want to blow their minds too much, there’s plenty of time for philosophical discussions in years to come.

So, for the time being we’re starting new traditions. Rocking around (quite literally) the Christmas tree, lighting candles, and drinking tea with my little Snow Princesses. Next week I’ll be home alone again and we’ll renew the annual Playstation Smackdown, I’ll rundown my favorite albums of the year, and clean out my office which will no doubt spur nostalgic moments. The year is slowly closing to a good end and we’re going to try and start 2012 as well as 2011 is ending.

The Days Only Become Brighter From Here
December 21, 2011

I’m going to try to post something that I’m thankful for every day in the month of November. Today I am thankful for ALL OF YOU. Thank you for your birthday wishes. I wish I could have a conversation with each of you and thank you personally but for now Facebook will have to do I guess. I feel very loved.

Today I am thankful for the loyalty of Adriene Hodges Holland. No matter what mood I’m in (and it varies greatly), she’s always a constant with how she deals with me. I know I can always count on her when I make tough decisions, even if she doesn’t agree she helps us present a unified front to our children and to the outside world.

Today and I am thankful for my daughter Erin. I’m thankful for my little girl that loves frilly things like bows and dresses but also loves kicking the ball around with her daddy.

Today I am thankful for my daughter Maria Grace. I’m thankful that though she spent the first hour of her life in the NICU, she has grown into a tough little strong-willed girl.

Today I am thankful for Saturdays in the fall. College football and soccer on TV

Today I am thankful for a safe birth for Aaron Manes and Brandi Smith Manes. Congratulations!

Today I am thankful for my parents. I’m thankful that they raised me with love and trusted me enough to give me lots of independence as I grew up. I’m also thankful that they are now grandparents that give us a little time off now and then.

Today I am thankful for my in-laws. I’m thankful that they give us wisdom without meddling in our business. I’m thankful for the vacations we’ve spent with them. I’m especially thankful that they live in a place as scenic as Savannah that makes every trip feel like a vacation.

Today I am thankful for other men that follow God and are honest and open with discussions about what it means to be a follower of Christ, a father, a husband and a leader with humility and love.

Today I am thankful for the diversion of football. I’m thankful for seeing old friends at tailgates. I’m thankful that today is GAMEDAY!

Today I am thankful for veterans and current members of the military serving overseas and here in the States. Thanks for keeping us safe.

Today I am thankful for Saturdays with nothing planned.

Today I am thankful for church and that I live in a place where I am free to worship how and where I choose.

Today I am thankful for music….especially new music. I love discovering new artists, new bands, and new songs.

Today am I thankful for the rare quiet moment in the middle of the day when I can take a break from work, go for a short run, and clear my mind.

Today I am thankful for lunch with my wife.

Today I am thankful for coffee. I could’ve had an IV stuck right into my arm with coffee during the girls’ first two years. I still need a dose every morning.

Today I’m thankful for Jennifer Cartwright and the great job she does babysitting our children!

Today I am thankful for soccer on Saturday mornings.

Today I am thankful for Thanksgiving lunch with my family.

Today I am thankful for three-day work weeks.

Today I am thankful that we are not travelling this Thanksgiving. Looking forward to a quiet holiday at home.

We put our turkey in a cooler outside to soak in the brine and I had a nightmare last night that bears ripped the cooler open an ate the turkey. Today I am thankful that bears did not eat our turkey last night.

Today I am thankful that I am not shopping.

Today I am thankful I am not a Georgia Bulldog.

Today I am thankful that the girls take a Sunday afternoon nap, because daddy sure needs one.

Today I am thankful for 2.5 GB of Christmas music uploaded to my iPod. ‘Tis the Season, chumps!

Today I am thankful that the heat in our house works.

Today I am thankful for a good month. November has given me plenty of opportunities to contemplate what I am thankful for and it is good for my soul to remember that.

I love that during this time of year in the mornings when I open my front door Orion is always directly over our house. It feels like someone is watching over me and my household. I know, that sounds weird. Not stars watching over our house, but the consistency of the same stars, the heavens are unchanging. It’s a comfort in a time when everything seems to be always in fluid motion. The Maker of the stars leaves a least a couple things that we can count on (well, at least for our lifetime.)

My parents rented a cabin in the mountains earlier this month and it was incredible. We built a fire and roasted marshmallows (the girls held them over the fire for about 10 seconds then declared they wanted smores. They wouldn’t even let us set the marshmallows on fire so that they get a crispy black coating. Clearly they need more instruction on camping.) Uncle Clint taught the girls to fish and dad and I played a lot of pool. It was just what the doctor ordered. After a summer that felt brutal and unrelenting, the cool, lazy pace of fall so far has been a welcome change.

That’s of course, not counting football weekends. Sad to say, Georgia Tech’s football season has gone about how I expected with a fast start and more disappointing results now that they are facing more athletic teams. Really though the biggest disappointment of the football season has been all of the noon kickoffs. Tailgating before the game has been some of the rare social moments when I get to see people I don’t see for the rest of the year and there’s not much time for socializing when you arrive on campus at 10:00 AM and you have to be shuffling off to the stadium a couple hours later. With a night game coming this weekend, I’m hoping to reconnect with a lot of old friends at homecoming.

Adriene had a bunch of girlfriends over at the house the past weekend. I tried to stay mostly out of the way, but they were kind enough to share their massive dinner with me and let me in on a couple of laughs. Tonight I’m going to a new Bible study with some old friends. This summer was not very social and at times I felt isolated. I’m an introvert who generally enjoys time by myself, but sometimes I need to be out with a group or I get too myopic, too selfish and this fall is slowly drawing me out of that mindset.

There’s been an explosion of new music in the last couple of months that I’m trying to catch up on. Deas Vail and Quiet Science each released new albums. I heard them play most of the songs at Cornerstone Festival earlier this summer but now I have an opportunity to give them a little more attention. I also finally got on the Wilco bandwagon about three albums too late, but oh well, I’m still absorbing The Whole Love. That’s not even counting all of the free stuff I’ve downloaded from Noisetrade like compilations from Josh Ritter, Jars of Clay, and Andrew Osenga that I haven’t even had a chance to listen to yet. Soon. Also, I just got the new Coldplay album and I’m going to do my best to give it an objective listen without any prejudices. I’m so amused my the hipster backlash against Coldplay and even more amused by the anti-hipster backlash backlash (“they are so mainstream and uncool that they are cool”) I don’t really care about all that, I just care if I like the music, so we’ll see.

With my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all lining up on the horizon, it’s small surprise that I’m in better spirits these days. I feel like there is still time to say “2011 was a good year” when I look back on it some long time from now.

So, with autumn arriving it’s time to turn a new page and start over. At the end of 2009 I looked back and noticed a lot of bad habits and attitudes had set in and decided it was time to do some personal housecleaning. It’s time to start doing it again.

So here’s to another Fall. Football is already under way and the heat has finally broken. I’m ready for some fun in the mountains with my girls under falling leaves. I’m ready to spend more time with friends. I’m ready to spend more time with my children. I’m ready to spend more time with my family. I’m ready for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and maybe, just maybe working a little more normal schedule.