05.28.06

Why we have to hide the Bibles if my mom’s been drinking.

Posted in Tee Hee at 11:45 am by Adriene

Story time!

(I always love telling a good story on a relative. It’s even better if it’s one of my parents.)

Back when my mom was about my age (before I came along), she came down with a really nasty cold right after Christmas. So bad, that she got some sort of infection with it, and had to go to the doctor. The doctor gave her some medicine, and told her to take it, then drink something warm to help her throat feel better, and then go to bed.

So, Mom went home and took the cold medicine. She didn’t feel immediately better, so she decided to go ahead and make some tea to drink. She even decided to “spice up” the tea a bit. Sitting on the kitchen counter was a brand new bottle of Seagram’s VO that my dad had gotten from a co-worker for Christmas. So, she added a splash or two to her tea and drank it.

After her hot toddy, mom decides to take a nice HOT shower to open up her sinuses. BAD IDEA. Cold medicine + Seagram’s VO + hot shower = you feeling like five kinds of crap. Her head started swimming, and she sat down at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands. All of a sudden, the idea came to her that she NEEDED TO READ THE BIBLE.

So, she grabs her Bible and sits back down at the kitchen table. During her reading, she comes across II Chronicles 29:5, which states:

“Listen to me, Levites! Consecrate yourselves now and consecrate the temple of the LORD, the God of your fathers. Remove all defilement from the sanctuary.”

Well, that apparently struck something inside her, because she looked up and saw that demon bottle of VO staring her in the face. The Bible was clearly telling her to remove the VO (the defilement) from her house (the sanctuary). So, she walks across the kitchen, grabs the bottle of VO, and upends it over the sink.

About that time, my dear father walks in from work. He sees his lovely bride pouring out his Christmas present. Very confused, he walks over to her, puts both of his hands on her shoulders, and turns her around, and says, rather calmly to her, “What in the name of God are you doing?” Mom proceeds to explain why, and Dad, still rather confused, grabbed the bottle to preserve what was left of the VO and puts it back on the counter.

(Actually, if you ask him, Dad will maintain that this is the closest he ever came to shaking my mom. Haha)

And that’s why we have to hide all of the Bibles in the house if my mom has been drinking.

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