07.27.05
The Fuzz…
I got the second speeding ticket in my life this morning. 
Archive for July, 2005
07.21.05
And we don’t know where we’re going, but we just love getting lost…
(The title of this entry is from one of my favorite songs by The Normals, “Romeo on the Radio.”)
Ever take a second to sit back, look around yourself, and ponder “How the heck did I end up here? And where the heck am I going next?”
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I’m at an age where pretty much all of my friends have settled down, started having babies, and, for all intents and purposes, have started acting like adults. :gasp: I guess we might as well act like adults - heck, most of us are in our mid-to-late twenties at the moment. It’s gotta happen sometime.
But, at the same time, I don’t feel like a grown-up sometimes. Most of the time, I feel like a kid who’s playing like they’re a grown-up. And that I’d better do a good job acting like I’m a grown-up for fear that someone will snatch away my disguise and discover that I’m a kid who really has no idea what she’s doing in life.
I guess that’s my dilemma at the moment. I’ve been in Baby Central the past year or so, with two close friends giving birth, one more due to have her first baby next week, and yet another who just told me she’s expecting in February. My boss is pregnant, and my boss’ boss is pregnant as well (at the age of 45!!). I am more than ecstatic for all of them, and I plan on spoiling each child rotten in due time. 
But at the same time, it makes me wonder what God has in store for me. Since Jeff and I are approaching five years of marriage this December, people have started inquiring as to when Jeff and I plan to start a family. In short, I guess the answer would be “When God wants us to have one.”
I oscillate daily as to whether or not I think I’m ready for the challenge of children. Some days I’m like “Bring me all of them - I can raise them all!!” But other days, especially the days where I can barely take care of myself and get myself home in one piece or the days where I crawl into bed then suddenly remember I haven’t fed the cat at all that day, I wonder if I’m cut out for it at all. Add that to the fact that I know Jeff goes through the same emotions every day as well.
I guess this is a long-winded way of saying that I’m at a very frustrating, odd point in my life. One where I’m not sure where I fit. It used to be that when my girlfriends and I got together, we’d talk about boyfriends, then eventually husbands, and that was all well and good, because I could contribute and laugh along with them. Because we were all at the same stage in our lives.
But, that’s begun to change over the past year or so. I’ve found myself at gatherings since then where I find myself standing there and not saying anything for 15 minutes in a conversation because I really have nothing to add. I know this is a natural progression of things, and it will change when the day comes that God blesses Jeff and me with children. But it’s still awkward and hurts a teency bit sometimes.
Anyway, to bring this around, I guess this is where I just need to hand it over to God and stop brooding over it. Life’s a journey, and if you know where you’re going all the time, some of the joy of getting to your ultimate destination gets lost.
Body image….
A thread on the SGB the past couple of days involved us posting our prom pictures for all to see. I posted this pic from my Junior Prom in 1996, and I was taken aback at how small I was back then.
Then, looking down at myself today, I’m suddenly aware of how much weight I’ve put on since that picture. Currently, I weigh close to 70 pounds more than I did at that time. The scary thing is, is although I knew that I’d put on weight, I honestly had no clue how much I’d put on until after it was all there. And then it’s like hell to get it off afterwards (trust me, I’m going through that right now).
We’re taught these days to be comfortable with our body image. But I wonder, is there a point you reach where you’re too comfortable with it? You know, you reach a point where you say “I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable.” Is that a really healthy attitude to have, honestly? What about the health implications of that? I’ve noticed over the past month or so how much WORSE I feel now than I did ten years ago. And, of course, most of that is due to my weight.
So, it boils down to this. I think I got too comfortable with myself. I got married and settled, and decided that I didn’t need to worry about what I put into my mouth, because I didn’t have to worry about catching a husband, being attractive to other men, etc. anymore. But, I need to realize what it is I’m doing to myself by “letting myself go.” That’s not fair to me, nor is it fair to Jeff.
07.15.05
Adventures in obtaining the latest Harry Potter book…
So, Jeff and I left our house at 10:30 tonight to drive the five minutes to the closest Barnes and Noble to get my grubby little hands on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. However, upon arrival, we notice that everywhere in the ENTIRE store is packed with people. Crap. Looks like if we waited there, the earliest I would have it would be 3:00am.
But my smart husband remembered that Kroger was selling it starting at 12:01 also. 
So, we drove down the street, grabbed some Starbucks, then went to the nearest Kroger where we were about the fourth people in line.
I had the book in my hands at 12:03.
And I’m not going to start reading it til tomorrow. Because I know if I start now, I’ll stay up all night, and I have to drive to Savannah in the morning. 
So, kids, Kroger is the way to go. Screw Barnes and Noble.
07.06.05
An accurate description?
So, one of Jeff’s friends described me recently as “charmingly abrasive.”
I guess that’s accurate.